Last night was rough. I wanted to go out and have fun. I actually felt like dancing with a group of friends. However, all of my friends had other plans. Being a single woman is not the ideal situation for New Years Eve. I invited myself to my sister's house to watch a movie. Her hubby was gracious and watched it with us and then I went home so they could bring in the new year without me. ;-) I was in bed by 10:00 or so and read a little bit, texted a little bit and felt like crap. Dang - holidays are tough without my kids or a significant other.
Fourth of July, I sat at home and heard fireworks going off, wishing I was watching them with Jabber Box, some friends, or a boyfriend. Last night I was still awake when the fireworks went off at midnight and I cried. I tried to take my mind off of my sorrows by praying for other people, but then my prayers turned to Emo Man and Lurch and that did not help my mood at all. I don't know how many times I have woken up in the middle of the night over the past few days with a heavy heart. I cannot seem to shake it.
So the title of this post is "greyness" because it feels like a big old grey cloud has decended on me. Hopefully it will lift when I am off of break and back at work. I will have fewer hours alone to sit and brood.